so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
