Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
