6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
