i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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