I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
