I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
