I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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