why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
