ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
