we have officially lost it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize