ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
