Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
