Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
