Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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