I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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