he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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