you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
