everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
