When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
