remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
