Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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