Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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