The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Found the puke drawer
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
