he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
