Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
