he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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