She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
