Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
