its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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