Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it's like iHOP with fire
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
