6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize