you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
