You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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