My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
