There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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