I'm passing your future prison.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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