i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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