I could make wine with my vomit
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
