Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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