so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
