Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
soo... how was my night?
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