I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
