i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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