My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
