Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
