She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
