My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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