I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
