I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize