Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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