you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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