yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
