Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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