Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
