Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
