Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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