There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
