So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bring money and cleavage
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
