I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
