I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
