"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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