My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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