I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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