No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
