i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
