I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
