I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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