we have officially lost it.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
