I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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