well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
