Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
