ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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