I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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