There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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