Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
