there's paper in my vomit.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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